Win smoking, never Quit.

Wills, Gold Flake, 555, Marlboro, though all these names relate to something grand and branded, all of this help us die, if you have suicide plan then start smoking now, it will be easy, and no FIR will be registered against your suicide attempt, this attempt will never be a failure and this does not belong to slow poisoning law of any nation, smoking is the best suicide strategy, it will kill you even if you want to survive, its powerful than the Gods, print a cigarette poster and start worshiping it, all hail cigarettes!!

It was my first year in college  when I was introduced to cigarette by my classmate, I was getting introduced to all new way of life in college, all the matured appearing men in collage took up smoking as a their birth right as they just busted the 18+ age limit set by our society , they were all proud about their smoking skills and manlyhood which they showcased when they lighted up each cigarette. I was just out of my school and smoking was a taboo for a young collage freshman nor I was inducted to this practice of burning a five rupee note every now and then. “Do you smoke”? asked my friend Rajkumar “No”, “do you booze”? “No, I don’t”, "at least drink beer?“, No dude I have never", I replied as he accused me for not experiencing any of these, "then you are a thair sadam”(curd rice). A curd rise is a poor man’s tasteless food, hence his analogy was used to criticize a me and to compare me to a baby with napkins, and to criticize my puerility towards above asked activities, I was right away put in a "geek" category which I was sure that I wasn't, and I was not in any mood to take his criticism and was keen trying my first cigarette, and stay above the par set by Rajkumar that day in front of a boys gang.

It was a morning tea break in college, we went to a small tea stall right outside our college, the tea stall was some ten meters away from college, the tea shop was owned by an ex-military uncle, a six feet tall, huge guy and he was found a physical misfit to the teashop he owned, he is bald and everyone in college referred his shop as “sotta kadai” (Bald man’s shop). He thought waging war was nothing but an approved mass murder, hence he quit his military duties and opened a tea stall near our college, however he killed us with his tasteless red hot water (also referred by him as Tea). We as students unanimously had another version about him, as why he was shown doors by Indian military. Assume the Indian army is in a hot pursuit and we have an enemy chopper flying above the sky to drop a bond on the ground squad, and if the ground squad battalion had our tea shop uncle and he being  bald, the enemy up in the chopper may not spot the camouflage army attire but his bald head would be left open and shining in the sun from the ground, hence his shining bald head would put the whole battalion in danger, hence his expulsion.

He sold tea, samosas, vadas, biscuits, chocolates and the cigarettes. Though he did not initially sell cigarettes due to his military ethics, eventually due to students demand he included cigarettes in his menu. Students in his shop experimented many styles in smoking, some lighted cigarettes using some unique lighters which even resembled a pistol instead of bullets, fire came out of the hole, some lighted up to ten cigarettes in one wax matchstick, and some did not, as lighting three cigarettes in one was considered as taboo. Few guys made a perfect ring out of a cigarette smoke, some managed to make one big smoke ring out of a cigarette smoke and send another small ring within the earlier made big smoke ring, and sometimes waves of smoke rings were even made. Few smoked cigarettes by holding them between their ring and the pony finger, similar to the way the sadhus held theirs in Varanasi (referring to cigarettes). This place will be seen crowded before the first bell, tea breaks, lunch bell and the last bell. Some guys preferred smoking outside the tea shop, since they could attract some girls passing through by showing off their manly hood and the ring making powers, and some due to the suffocation which engulfed the tea shop due to cigarettes. If a fire engine has to pass through this shop then they might even stop by to check if they could volunteer, such was the smoke rain. If passive smoking was dangerous then the uncle in the tea shop would be dead by now, but he is not hence I don’t believe in passive smoking also because of a funny incident which I encountered in a bar, once a non-smoking lady said to a smoker in a bar “do you know passive smoking is dangerous to us than the actual smoker?” the man replied “then I guess I have chosen the right option, my dear lady”.

Due to lack of enough pocket money guys had to shared cigarettes, sometimes a single cigarette was shared between six individuals, and sometimes the cigarette buds and the lips were also burned while attempting to squeeze most out of a cigarette.  During one such routine my friend Rajkumar passed a cigarette to me, I was too keen to experiment as well as get rid of the “thair sadam” criticism which he made earlier on me. Now that I was a first timer everyone in the tea shop encouraged me, all eyes in the shop was on me, and it was more like a concentration camp. Before I took the cigarette in my hand, Rajkumar gave me a virtual demonstration of how a cigarette should be inhaled and exhaled, it was close to a yoga session with numerous breathing lessons, and a handful of crowd watching my debut.

With all hope of finding miracles and unaware of what one would experience I took by first cigarette in hand, it was Gold Flake Kings, the costliest cigarette in the tea shop. Rajkumar lighted it for me and he asked me to inhale, he took a pink transparent cigarette lighter and immediately the tip of the cigarette was exposed to the fire and he said “inhale inhale” , I tried breathing in like the way I  squeezed the soda out of a bottle, I could feel enough smoke filling up my mouth. As I was inhaling I could see all my fellow classmates who are now a pro in smoking gazing at me as they see a crawling baby trying to walk by taking a first baby step, few from the even crowd volunteered with suggestion as how I should be exhaling it as well, some said that i should try exhale through nose, I did as per the instruction given and I blew my first successful exhale. Everyone in the tea shop wanting to see more of my debut, hence I continued smoking  and it was a sensation which I had never experienced before, and intermediately I was a caught up coughing due to the uneasiness and tears started rolling in my eyes as some smoke from cigarette tip filled my eyes. I was quick enough to hide it and continued smoking up the kings, my eye lids were heavy and the lids forcefully tried shutting down, I was sweating and I was high. The brand name Kings exactly fitted the feeling one would get after their first attempt. As I completed half my cigarette I passed it on and the guy sitting next to me, and he was happy to grab it, it was more like passing an Olympic torch, everyone wants to hold it and had a hard feeling and no option but to pass it. This time Rajkumar tapped me on my shoulders, and he paid for the cigaratte and he was quite happy to be my cigarette coach, and also because he baptized me to manlyhood.

From then on cigarette was travelling along with me, it was a habit which I never wanted to carry, and it was not letting me off, years passed I was neither a regular or a chain smoker, nor had I given up lighting a cigarette in a party. After college and when I started working, I found my colleague blowing up cigarette as easy as ringing a bell, many lighted up one after the other as one cigrette was not enough for a man like him, no more hiding the habit, unlike in college where we even had bunkers to light up cigarettes. Everyone had a reason to smoke. To start a day, few lighted up to get a free flow of nature call, some used it as a desert after, before or while sipping a tea, some smoked to get a stress relief from work, some just to kill time, some while they waited for a bus or anyone or anything, some did not even had a reason, some to improve the kick after sipping up some alcoholic beverage, some to give a company to a fellow smoking partner, and some still to get a girls attention, and I was not an exception.

Our caring government (never in history these words came together in a sentence), took one major step in reducing the cigarette consumption, it incorporated a black and white cartoon on every pack of cigarette sold, initially no one understood what our government or the company was trying to tell us, most thought probably now a hollow man part 3 movies promotion was made in cigarette packs, some thought it could be some printing flaw of a male model. However to clear this confusion the next day morning newspaper said it’s a cartoon of a man with troubled lungs and this could be you anytime. People were unmoved as they could no way connect to the black and white misprinted cartoon, however due to this anxiety created by government the cigarette sales grew.  

Personal loans were tossed to any guy who wore formals from Monday to Friday, so my friend bought a used car by risking on a personal loan, This car was well pampered, we roamed Bangalore city and never bored by a traffic jam because more the jam more time we spend in the car, we assumed the ring road was made for to roam around literally. Now that we were not gay we ran out to topics to talk after a particular point. We usually stopped the car in a pan shop and got a pack of gold flake kings, one full packet this  time, as I lighted my friend objected lighting cigarette in the second hand car as its new to his hands, he also made an oath that he would never smoke inside the car or allowed any. I found it’s a fair oath to take, hence we got down and lighted the cigarette. One of my other friend shifted to a brand new house, and we lighter a cigarette each inside his balcony, however I was throwing the ash from my cigarette on his balcony floor, he was disturbed on seeing the very ash throwing act of mine. He protested and provided a waste bag to throw away the ash which fell from cigarette, I felt that act fair too, as none would want a new house to be dirty and that too by an ash coming out of a cigarette. I once went to a grocery shop to purchase some vegetables, I found one tomato not in shape and close to  rotten, soon I protested with the vendor and exchanged that particular piece for another, I thought I paid only for best tomatoes from his shop. I was once shopping for a casual shirt in a mall, I noticed a splendid shirt of my taste however there was minor defect, a thread poping from one of the buttons was hanging out, and I had to let go that shirt and move on. I felt it was fair to omit that shirt since I was to pay nearly a thousand rupee to own it and wanted no defect what so ever. However when my conscious decisions to avoid a product due to a minor defects or our love towards our material world grew naturally, little did I thought what a five rupee cigarette is damaging my very health and existence.

I give an fair and immense value to a second hand car, a rented home, or even purchasing a few tomatoes which are not costlier at any point of time, a thread hanging out of the shirt. However for my health I felt I was care free. The home, car, attire or any other thing would be meaningful only if stay healthy, hence took a very easy decision that I would win over this easy attained habit, and I did it at ease.

The task was quite easy, the minute I realised that an activity becomes an accepted norm by a community if the activity do not have an "immediate adverse effect", also if the activity brings revenue to rich heads at an " immediate adverse effect" even at the cost of health of any looser and again with no"immediate adverse effect"

Now that there are many attempts made by government to stop smoking but not the cigarette, none of the smokers had bought that idea. Our government needs smokers like you, we have to run our economy at any cost, even your liver or even your life. Every other occasion when a character smokes in a movie or in your TV screen, an immediate scrolling “smoking is injurious”, which none seems to understand but only reads or be surprised if such a thing doesn’t  pops up.

What other innovative method can help grab a smoker’s attention.

Let’s say your dad, son, or your bother smokes at home, the lady counterpart could buy a pack of cigarette at home and light it up right in front of him, say you have an equal share of benefit. This is an uneasy task to do, but effective recipe for an emotional smoker. Tell him you would also light up a cigarette when he is not home. See if this works.

Force him to enroll in a life insurance policy, tell him he may die early and family would definitely need some money.

Take your family to a photo studio, tell him that we need his picture since this habit may kill him and we may not have a good family photo at all.

Take a pack of cigarette pack brand which he smoke and put that in a pooja room and tell him that he will be remembered for this habit and brand.

Do you an alternate ways?, you could share!!

After all “Smoking is Injurious to Health”